The modern world around us is turbulent, challenging, and sometimes downright exhausting. Changes happen faster than we can process them, and the uncertainties that come with them can weigh us down. Whether it's professional crises, personal challenges, or the small moments of everyday chaos, we all need one essential ingredient to not just “survive” but to truly thrive in these times. And that ingredient is resilience.
Resilience is more than just endurance. It’s the art of bouncing back from setbacks, growing stronger, and staying flexible at the same time. It’s like an invisible muscle that we can train—with the right tools and a conscious focus on ourselves.
What is Resilience?
Resilience is our ability to handle stress, uncertainty, and change without losing our balance—or completely freaking out and losing hope or our sense of agency. It’s the inner strength that helps us get back up when life knocks us down. It’s not about being invincible, but rather about adapting and emerging stronger from crises.
Resilience doesn’t mean we always have to be strong or handle everything on our own. It means learning to stay flexible, recover from setbacks, and focus our energy on what we can influence.
Scientifically, resilience has a lot to do with our brain. Our “cortex”—the center for rational and composed thinking—plays a crucial role in how we respond to challenges. By understanding how our brain works, we can actively work on handling stressful situations more consciously.
The Pillars of Resilience
Resilience consists of several pillars or factors. Each of these pillars can be strengthened and consciously applied to support us in challenging times. Here are the key pillars of resilience:
Optimism – A positive outlook on life and the belief that things can improve.
Acceptance – Embracing what is and facing our challenges, problems, and crises with maturity.
Solution Orientation – Not getting stuck in problems or wallowing in drama, but seeking actionable solutions.
Connections / Networks – Building and nurturing a circle of friends, family, or trusted individuals who we can turn to for support and who can also help us when needed.
Self-Care – Taking care of ourselves lovingly, responsibly, and compassionately, both physically and mentally.
Taking Responsibility – Owning up to our actions—or inactions—and not shifting blame onto others.
Positive Future Planning – Actively shaping our future and embracing it with enthusiasm.
Love – Both giving love and receiving love in return.
Courage & Resilience
Courage is the first step toward resilience. Resilience doesn’t mean that we face no challenges but that we act despitethem. And that’s exactly what we do when we’re courageous, even in the smallest of moments.
We often forget just how courageous we are and how much strength lies within us. That’s why it’s helpful to remind ourselves of this from time to time. A simple exercise called the “Courage Chain” can help. Think about something you’ve done recently that required courage. It doesn’t have to be something big. In fact, courage is often found in the small things (e.g., “I sent a difficult email” or “I said NO”).
Speaking of courage: “If courage ever abandons you, just keep walking on your own.”
The Biggest Opponent: STRESS
What is one of the greatest challenges to our resilience? Stress. Stress is a part of life—it’s unavoidable and can even be helpful at times, as it motivates us to take action. But when it overwhelms us, stress can undermine our resilience, throw us off balance, and completely drain our energy.
That’s why one of the most important pillars of resilience is self-care—the art of being mindful and compassionate with ourselves, especially during stressful times. But let’s be honest: that’s easier said than done.
This raises an important question: Can stress even be “managed”? Perhaps not always in the traditional sense. However, what we can do is become more aware of stress, learn to recognize it, understand its impact on our body and mind, and develop tools to regain control.
It’s about understanding what stress actually triggers in our body, identifying why we often feel so “driven,” and—most importantly—figuring out how to support ourselves in those moments.
Because resilience doesn’t mean that we don’t experience stress—it means knowing how to deal with it effectively.
Stress Management: Taking Responsibility
In stressful moments, it’s valuable to pause and ask ourselves a few quick questions to perform a “stress check.” These questions help identify the source of our stress and allow us to take responsibility for finding ways to address it and support ourselves:
What is currently stressing you out the most?
How does it manifest? What does it feel like?
What would help reduce this stress?
Are you implementing this solution? If not, why not?
What do you need to reduce this stress? And what steps can you take to get it?
What Helps Against Stress?
There are countless ways to combat stress: breathing exercises, mini-breaks, rituals to recharge our batteries. Taking the dog for a walk. Dancing. Sleeping. Eating chocolate. Hugging. Kissing. Distraction. Exercising. Moving. Meditating. Cooking.
All of these fall under the umbrella of self-care—a cornerstone of resilience. Small steps, big impact.
Self-care doesn’t necessarily mean spending hours in a bathtub (although that’s lovely too). It’s about taking small, deliberate actions that benefit us. Simple practices like breathing exercises, micro-breaks, or mindfulness rituals can work wonders in everyday life.
We know all these things. Everyone has their own individual stress-reduction strategies. The real question is: Are we actually applying them? And if not, why not?
Practical Strategies for Building Resilience
Resilience is not a magical superpower; it’s something we can consciously train. Beyond the small self-care micro-actions mentioned earlier, I find one tool particularly helpful when it comes to “managing” stress. This tool is incredibly simple, highly effective, and can be used ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
THE "LET THEM THEORY" BY MEL ROBBINS
The "Let Them Theory" is a remarkably simple yet powerful method for reducing stress. It was developed by American author and coach Mel Robbins, who also discusses it in her book of the same name.
The idea: When people or situations stress us out, we can choose not to let them have power over our emotions. Instead of trying to control everything, we simply say, “Let them.” Let it be. Let the situation unfold without getting worked up about it. This liberates us and creates space for calmness.
Because, at the end of the day, what are the three most valuable “things” we have in life?
Our time.
Our energy.
Our attention.
The crucial question, every day and in every moment, is:
To whom or what am I giving my time, energy, and attention?
And for those thinking, “Wait, isn’t health the most valuable thing?” Yes, that’s true. But our health is absolutely and completely dependent on this one question:
To whom or what am I giving my time, energy, and attention?
So, let’s choose wisely and intentionally. The “Let Them Theory” can help with that. It’s a surprisingly straightforward yet incredibly powerful approach to managing stress and building resilience.
The principle is simple: When people or situations do something that stresses, angers, or frustrates us, we can consciously decide not to let them control our emotions.
Instead of fighting against things we cannot control, we simply say: “Let them.” Let the situation happen. Let the person behave however they will.
Why Does This Help?
Because it frees us from wasting energy on things outside our control. Stress often arises from trying to control the uncontrollable—whether it’s other people’s opinions, colleagues’ reactions, or external circumstances.
When we learn to let go, we create space for calmness and clarity.
The “Let Them Theory” is not just a tool for reducing stress; it’s also a genuine resilience strategy. It helps us focus our energy on what truly matters and what we can influence. And that makes us stronger and more stable in handling all kinds of challenges.
What We Can Never Control:
What someone else thinks.
What someone else feels.
What someone else says or does.
So, it’s simple: LET THEM. Let others think what they want. Let others feel what they want. Let others say or do whatever they want.
LET ME – Taking Responsibility for Yourself
Now, before the big “YES, BUT!” arises: The “Let Them” approach works only when it’s paired with a second component: “Let Me.”
Because, of course, this doesn’t mean passively letting everything bad happen around you.
There are only three things we can control:
What I THINK.
What I DO next (my decisions and actions).
How I MANAGE my emotions (what I feel, how I process my feelings, and how I take steps to feel better and respond more effectively).
Whatever happens externally—whatever causes stress—we can always free ourselves from it, take a step back, and say: “Let them.” Let it be. I can’t control it anyway.
But what I can do is decide how I respond to the situation. I can consciously withdraw my focus, time, and energy from others and redirect it toward myself.
This strengthens two resilience pillars: self-care and responsibility.
Reflection Exercise: Let Them, Let Me!
Write down on one piece of paper a situation that is stressing you out—something recurring, recent, or that comes to mind immediately (you can also use something from the stress-check exercise earlier).
Examples:
“My colleague constantly criticizes me.”
“The train delay ruined my day.”
“I’m worried about what others think of me.”
On a second piece of paper, answer these questions:
What would happen if you simply said, “Let them!”? What would that change?
Shift your focus from the situation to yourself:
What could you think differently to feel better about it?
What could you do differently to feel better about it (actions, decisions, emotions)?
What impact do these decisions and perspective shifts have on you? How do you feel?
For a dramatic twist, take the first piece of paper, tear it up ceremoniously, say out loud “Let them!” and throw the pieces away.
How to Discover and Actively Strengthen Your Resilience
THE RESILIENCE TREE
I firmly believe that we are all more resilient and capable than we often realize. That’s why it’s so important to remind ourselves of this regularly. Simply being aware of our inner strength makes us feel empowered, proud, and gives us the confidence, stability, and trust that we can navigate and overcome challenging situations and phases in life.
We bring things into our awareness by making them visible. So, why not create your own Resilience Tree? What gives you stability? What values define you? Where do you want to grow? This exercise helps make inner resources visible and strengthens them. Reflect on questions like:
What are my strongest roots?
What inspires me?
What are my values? How do my roots and trunk support my goals?
A tree is a wonderful metaphor for resilience. It withstands storms, loses its leaves, and is shaped by wind and weather, but it continues to grow. It adapts to its surroundings, develops deeper roots when conditions become tougher, and stretches its crown toward the light, even when it’s only filtering through small gaps in the clouds.
The roots represent the resources that strengthen us—everything that makes us who we are, our interests, talents, and abilities.
The trunk symbolizes our values, providing stability and guiding us in how we live, act, communicate, and what we stand for.
The crown represents our goals and visions—where we want to go.
Each of us has unique strengths, values, and goals that provide stability, even in turbulent times. Everything we need is already within us.
Your personal Resilience Tree can remind you that you are just as strong, flexible, and full of life as a tree. You have the roots to support you, the trunk to provide stability, and the crown that keeps growing—independent of external circumstances.
Using Your Resilience Tree for Regular Check-Ins
Revisiting your Resilience Tree regularly can also serve as a valuable “check-in” to ensure everything is aligned. Does it all fit together? Do your goals align with your strengths and resources? Is everything in harmony?
Sometimes, we set external goals that don’t align with our abilities and values. When that happens, it’s no surprise if we feel stuck, unable to move forward, or find ourselves constantly dissatisfied and drained.
Creating and reflecting on your Resilience Tree helps you identify and realign these elements, ensuring that your roots, trunk, and crown are congruent and that your efforts are directed toward goals that truly resonate with your inner resources and values.
YOUR VISION: YOUR WISH LIST
Another essential pillar of resilience is positive future planning. For this, a reflective vision exercise can be a powerful tool. This reflection helps set clear goals and define the next actionable steps. Because wishing and manifesting alone won’t cut it—you have to get moving and put your plans into action.
Your Task
Imagine traveling 12 months into the future. The year behind you has been a tremendous success—professionally, personally, and privately. You’ve overcome challenges, achieved important goals, and feel fulfilled and content. Develop your vision and clearly define what your phenomenal and fantastic year looks like.
Your vision is your compass for the future. Use it to focus, concentrate, and align yourself with what truly matters to you.
Questions to Shape Your Wish List
What does my life look like in 12 months? (Planning / Dreaming)
What has changed for me professionally?
(Think about new projects, personal growth, work-life balance, networking, etc.)What has changed in my personal life?
(Consider relationships, hobbies, personal milestones, etc.)What makes me proud?
(Think about challenges you’ve overcome or things you’ve learned.)What kind of energy do I want to feel in my daily life?
(Calmness, creativity, joy, ease, etc.)
My Path to This Vision (Actions / Implementation)
What steps have I taken to achieve this vision?
(Consider new habits, bold decisions, or clear boundaries.)What is one first step I can take tomorrow?
(Small, actionable steps that immediately move you in the right direction.)
Measuring Success
How will I measure my success?
(How will you know you’ve achieved your vision? Think about measurable goals, emotional satisfaction, or tangible accomplishments.)What motivates me to keep going?
(What values, thoughts, or people give you strength?)
Your Vision: A Compass for the Future
Your wish list and vision are like a compass—they point you in the right direction, even if the path isn’t always linear. The steps don’t have to be big. Sometimes it’s just a thought, a decision, or a small change that creates a significant impact.
Take time to shape your vision and make it your guide. It’s not about perfection but progress and aligning yourself with what truly matters to you.
A LETTER FROM LOVE
Let’s conclude with one final reflection. We now know how to actively strengthen our resilience, how to use our inner strength to overcome challenges, and how important it is to treat ourselves with care and patience.
Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat Pray Love, has a beautiful practice she calls “Letters from Love.” Every day, she writes a letter to herself—not from a critical or demanding perspective, but from the perspective of love. She asks herself: “What would love teach or tell me today?”
And I firmly believe that love is the greatest pillar of resilience for all of us.
Would you like to give it a try? Let’s begin:
What would love say to you right now, after everything you’ve read and reflected on?
Your Task:
Take a moment for a final reflection. You’ve spent time exploring resilience, self-care, and perspectives for the future. Now, I invite you to write a very special letter—a letter from love to yourself. This letter is an opportunity to see yourself through the eyes of love. No criticism, no pressure, just compassion, recognition, and encouragement. What would love want to say to you?
If you wish, you can revisit this letter whenever you need to remind yourself of your strength and resilience. Your letter is a gift to yourself—a small anchor that reminds you of the love, strength, and potential you carry within.
Prompts for Your Letter:
What would love say about your strength and resilience?
(e.g., “I see how you keep rising to challenges and growing stronger.”)What message would love give you for the future?
(e.g., “Trust that you have everything you need to walk your path.”)What would you wish for yourself if you saw yourself through the eyes of love?
(e.g., “I wish for you to have more patience with yourself and to find joy in the little things.”)What reminder would you give yourself for difficult times?
(e.g., “Even when things get tough, remember how strong your roots are.”)
Helpful Thoughts for Writing Your Letter:
Address yourself lovingly: “Dear Me…” or “Dear [Your Name]…”
Be honest but gentle: What do you truly want to say to yourself?
Remember, this letter is just for you—a safe space where everything is welcome.
Close Your Letter with Love:
Some examples:
“With love, your Me”
“With affection and pride, your inner voice”
Or simply: “With love”
Why This Letter Matters
This letter is a reminder that resilience and self-care always begin with ourselves. It reminds you that you have the ability to face challenging times with strength, courage, and clarity. Keep this letter as a small compass—a way to remind yourself of the love, strength, potential, and yes, resilience, that reside within you.
A Look Ahead: Resilience as a Compass for the Future
Resilience is not a fixed trait but a dynamic process. It helps us weather the storms of life, adapt, and grow. When we learn to handle stress consciously, let go of what we cannot control, and focus on our strengths, we can overcome any challenge.
No matter what life throws at you: You are stronger than you think. Let your Resilience Tree grow, trust in your visions, and take yourself by the hand with love and compassion. This is how you’re ready for your next level.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Henriette Frädrich is a keynote speaker, moderator, and storytelling expert. With energy, humor, and depth, she takes her audience on a journey through impactful topics: from change and resilience to motivation, innovation, artificial intelligence, communication, and leadership.
Her mission? To simplify complexity, open minds, and touch hearts. Whether on big stages or in interactive workshops, she combines profound knowledge with emotional storytelling, creating lasting “aha” moments. Her talks are captivating experiences that inspire and empower people to take their next step with confidence.
